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Have you ever noticed how easy it is to get stuck in a mode of complaining about things even though that’s not you conscious intention? Why is this, even when we basically don’t want to be doing it? In personal growth work, understanding your thinking can be a great help with managing what you may think you are stuck with and not have any control of.
What I’m talking about comes out in a glaring way at times when we are in a group of people that gets going on complaining or criticizing another person. Have you witnessed how the group seems to get on a roll, with each person adding another and another related comment? If we are not careful about our presence of mind we can get pulled right into it.
Now, the reason complaining starts in the first place is a different matter, here I want to address what happens in our mind to keep feeding it. Once we start it is so easy to keep on with it and even enhance it even when it may not be in our normal character.
It has to do with the way your brain works, your brain is a seeking, answering mechanism. It wants to solve or satisfy what you are telling it through your conscious thought. Essentially everything you are thinking is a question to your brain. A question your brain is programmed to either answer by finding proof or find more of the same to validate your conscious thinking. Your brain wants to support and please you! It will quickly show you that what you are thinking is ‘correct’.
So, when you either start complaining yourself or you are listening to others complain, the brain goes to work finding more related content for you to back up your current thoughts. This validates your thinking, and yes what another person is saying, you are thinking about. If you agree or go along with what they are saying, you are thinking it yourself, thus asking for more of the same, or validation.
This is how you get a related thought popping up which leads to your statement about it. If you had complained, this new thought will likely be another related complaint. If you are making negative comments about another person, your brain will help you find more, and even bring up other people to criticize in a similar way.
Of course this works for all thinking, so it if very beneficial to you when your thoughts are happy and positive. Your brain will seek more of the same for you. The key in this is thought command. All of this brain activity is instigated by your conscious thought. Your conscious thought, which you can choose all of, is ultimately the director of your mind. If you are in command of your conscious and subconscious thinking.
However, the subconscious mind might be doing some things that it thought you wanted at an earlier time. This is where thought habits and beliefs are stored as programs to be turned on when a new related thought comes from your conscious mind. This is a topic for another article, but briefly, this is why you may have behavior that you are not sure why you have.
Even though these programs turn on automatically and direct your thinking and behavior, you are still ultimately in command consciously. You just need to recognize what is going on so that you can redirect or reprogram them as you now want.
In regards to complaining, in order to not have our mind help us complain, it is necessary to take command of our thinking. This means that you must first notice what you are thinking, then you can make a choice to keep on with it or change it. This is where the ‘master switch’ of your thinking is, in your conscious choice of thought. You don’t need to stay with a complaining though, or agree with others as they complain.
Just because something did happen, it does not mean you must let it continue. Because others are having a complaining session, or that you have noticed that you complained, you can choose to change that pattern of thought. You must specifically put in new thoughts, there can be no voids in thought, thee must be some thought. Choose a line of thought that is based more on being happy and loving.
Choosing your intentions and watching to keep your thoughts aligned with them is where you power is. Like anything with regards to managing your thinking, it can take some practice to get efficient at it. But doing what you can right now is better than waiting for some perfection, the doing will bring about more ability to assert your command of your thoughts.
Many will say that you must ask God to be given what you want, in a “will you please” way. But this is relinquishing your natural ability and right to know for yourself, to think for yourself and to choose what you want. What we receive from the Intelligent Universe is not based on the whim of a human like mind, it is a clear cause and effect system. We are here, as individualizations of God, to notice what’s possible and ask for it. And, yes we can expect it to come into our life experience, but we must prepare for it first.
We don’t actually make anything happen, God, the Universal Intelligence does that, but we do request it and allow it. We ask for it and we allow it to connect with us, through our thoughts, feelings and vibration. For anything that we ask for to show up in our life experience, we must first align with it – we must be the person who does, has or is that which we want. The thing we want will not change us, or make us into what we need to be, we must do that first.
Once you have asked for something through your thoughts, feelings or vibration, or usually all together, the Intelligent Universe gets it all set up for you. If you are still waiting, what you have asked for is already there, you are just not yet aligned with it yet.
What very often happens is that we think strongly that we are thinking and feeling in the right ways for something to occur in our life, but we are actually not. Much of our life is commanded by our unconscious thoughts, where automatic functions are in place to simplify your conscious thought requirements. It is here that you may have strong thought patterns that are not in support of what you say you want. And guess which thinking usually wins out?
You can have something blocked because you are obsessed with having it. I know this sounds odd on the surface, but I’ll explain, what can be a more powerful want than obsession? It’s what is linked to it that is the biggest problem. And the most common restrictive factor is, a condition attached to the desire. A commonly attached condition is one related to happiness. Like, “I will be happy when I have . . . “
* You notice what you want, picture it and you see happiness as part of having it.
* This picture in your mind, is what is conveyed to Spirit as what you want.
* The Intelligent Universe (God) goes about to set it all up for you.
* And your role now is to align yourself with the desired outcome and to take any actions you are guided through Spirit to take.
* For you to experience what you want, you must be a vibrational match for it. You must be the person who is in and at one with what you want. Your vibration is based on your thoughts and feelings.
* Then, like two perfectly matched magnetic puzzle pieces, you are drawn to what has been created for you.
Now, going back to the happiness condition we placed on our desire. That happiness condition says, “I will be happy when . . . ”
Notice this about your happiness – it’s not before, but when!
In order for you to be a perfect vibrational match for what you want, you must be that happy person first – before the match can take place.
So. . . this attachment to your desire that says “I must have this in order to be happy” is keeping you away from it. You are stuck in a cycle: you have declared that you won’t be happy until it happens, and the Universe will not connect you to the experience until you are happy. The two can never come together under this scenario.
Consider this, when you are saying that you will be happy when what you want shows up, you are saying that right now you are not happy. This is a command to the Universe, like all thoughts are. You are saying, and commanding, “I am not happy now.” This is what you will get, because this is what you are resonating with vibrationally right now. Unhappiness begets unhappiness.
So even if consciously you are saying clearly what you want, but you are not a vibrational match for it, it will not come. But at the same time, unknown to you, you are actually saying and resonating the vibrational match for more unhappiness. You get the thing you are resonating with. This could be considered a form of self sabotage as you are preventing yourself from getting something you say you want.
I’m sure you have heard before, “Be happy now”, well, now you know why. Because if what you want has happiness as part of it as most things we want do, you will need to be happy before the Universe delivers it to you. What you want is already there, waiting for you to be a match! Time is a relative thing we use in our reality, but to the Universe – there is only now. So what you are now, is what you will be when anything new happens. Think about it, anytime anythign actually happens, it’s now!
Also, many times when we are saying that we want something really badly, we are actually spending a lot of our time focusing on what we don’t want. What you don’t want may be the logical reason why you do want something, which is fine, but remember – what you focus on and resonate with will be what you get.
Noticing what you don’t want serves the purpose of helping you to identify what you do want, but don’t remain dwelling on it, or feeding it emotionally. Move on to focusing and feeling what you DO want so that you resonate with it. Our emotions have a very strong affect on our vibrational energy, which is why you’ve probably heard it’s best to get emotionally behind what you want.
Eckhart Tolle said in his book, A New Earth “You cannot manifest what you want; you can only manifest what you already have.”
This means that you must have a very clear picture of it, with appropriate emotional feelings and be a vibrational match for it. This is the state of being with it already in your mind, and feeling it, which includes being the person that fits into the picture.
The Law of Attraction is valid and it lines up with what Jesus and others taught us about how to operate our life, it just needs to be better understood for us to get what we really want.
This is one example of what can be going on unconsciously and there are other factors which can affect your easily getting what you want as well, I will discuss those in later posts here.
Your growth is a work in progess, if you undertake it.
It’s so easy to identify what you don’t like or want, we all do this very well. But there is trouble in dwelling on it. Everything in our reality is energy, including our thought, so where it is focused is important. Our thoughts and feelings are the steering mechanism for our energy. When we focus on what we don’t want, we are giving it our energy.
In recent years science has been proving this age old wisdom that everything is energy vibrating at different rates. This is everything, from solid rock, to flesh and bone, to our thoughts. This is how a plant can be registered as responding in a way that could be described as fear when a person in another location thinks about doing specific harm to the plant. All of the energy we are all a part of is interconnected.
Our thoughts are like seeds, there are predictable results based on the energy focus. The intention of an onion seed is to express as an onion plant, the onion cannot change this energy focus. The Universal Spirit ( whatever term you use for the intelligence and power that we are a part of, commonly God.) responds by fulfilling the ‘request’ of the seed, as intended.
We, on the other hand create seeds with our thoughts, which can be changed. Our thought seeds are acted upon in the very same way by Universal Spirit. What we think and feel is a request for something which is fulfilled. We may not be able to see this directly in many cases in our lives because we are not usually clear about what we are requesting. Spirit puts the pieces together and provides an appropriate response or outcome.
When we harbor the negative thoughts and feelings about something that someone did that we dislike, we are actually perpetuating this. Have you ever noticed how a person acts that is stuck on how awful it was that something happened to them. Through their actions, many times they are acting out being a victim, or they may have some kind of retaliatory attitudes and behaviors.
When you feel bad about something, I’m sure you have noticed how it affects your attitude and behavior. One very common way that we perpetuate things is by continuing to talk about them. Griping, complaining, expressing resentment, cutting down the ‘responsible’ party or group are all just the extension of the original occurrence.
So, this makes it sound like we are doomed to be stuck in a continuous mire of expanding negativity and unwanted experiences in our lives, but that is not the case. It is actually very important to notice what you don’t like, not for the purpose of carrying on with it, but as a way leading to noticing what you do like. In fact you should recognize and accept something undesirable as what is, trying to ignore it can also just perpetuate it.
Once noticed we should release our focus on it and bring our attention to our true spiritual self which is calm and of good feeling. This is the point where what you want, that is different, is energized. You may not be consciously aware of the exact details. Now you can develop specific thoughts about what you want, which then is what you should be focusing on.
Now this doesn’t mean that the only way to get to what you want is that you must experience something unwanted, but it is one common way. We can see what we want in what others have experiences, or in ideas on how something can just be even better than it is. But, generally it requires a point of notice, I’ll call it, where we become aware of something.
The pivotal point is in accepting what is, becoming at one with your true self and noticing what you do want. Then, keeping your thoughts away from the dislike and more on to your true self and what you do want, is important to guide your energy more to the experiences you would like. I know how it is so easy to continue to dwell on something, but if in this very moment you can’t do anything about it, you don’t need to be thinking about it.
Think of the seed analogy, and that every thought and feeling you have is a request to Spirit, God. Now, what do you want to think about? If you treat your thoughts as if they are seeds, just like a physical plant seed, you can come to realize their affect on your life. They are acted upon just as any seed is, it gets what it says it wants.
In fact, by dwelling on something undesirable and allowing your fear, doubt and worry thoughts to become most prevalent, you are closing off your connection to Spirit. Negative thoughts actually cause your brain to shut off the intuitive, creative, receptive faculties, it puts you into ‘fight or flight’ mode. So you are less likely to get an inspired idea on how to best deal with an ongoing undesirable situation.
Our power is in our command of our thoughts and feelings, which is why paying attention to your thoughts is so important. Setting aside time each day to consciously analyze your thinking and how you feel allows you to discover more about yourself and allows you to then notice how you ‘do’ want to think. Just as you can notice how you would like society to be different in some way, you can notice what you would rather experience in your life, then how your thoughts can be more in alignment with this.
Noticing what you don’t want is the impetus to change. Your feelings about something are meant as a signal to you to notice it, but not to continue to experience long term. It’s like a fire alarm, it’s no longer needed once you know there is a fire. Harboring negative or low level emotions is very destructive to you mentally, spiritually and physically, choose to step away from then as soon as you can. Replace them with a higher level emotional feeling as much as possible.
Are you focusing your time and attention to the right things? Are you placing importance on the right thoughts, feelings and behaviors?
Did you know that for most people, much of what they do in life was not consciously chosen by them? And many times we have done these things for so long they now do seem important to us, but deep down they really are not. At least not as important as what truly is deeply important. This is because doing so requires us to take command of our thinking and analyze the state of our life. But letting our minds just run things is easier, efficient and more comfortable. Most people have not taken the time to discover what is truly important to them, life just kind of goes along with many seemingly important activities going on all the time. Your brain will ‘take care’ of you in it’s own way and understanding this is very helpful if you want any kind of change in your life.
When you put your attention to something you will see and experience more of it, you will think about it more and even expound on it. Have you ever become interested in a certain model of car from reading and pictures, and then in the next few days you all of a sudden see lots of them on the road as you are driving around, and you hadn’t really noticed many before? Now that you have placed some of your attention, and maybe with some heightened emotional feeling, into the car you want your mind will help you experience more of the same. Your mind is just doing it’s job, to help keep you as comfortable as possible, and make your life easier with patterns, habits and easily repeated behaviors.
When you understand the way your brain works you can better work with it to get and experience what you want. In this case, it is valuable to be aware of what your mind will tend to do automatically so that you understand that you must be purposefully proactive with your thought and attention. Your mind gets programmed through repetition to see and pay attention to what you have already paid attention to. So if you don’t consciously otherwise direct your thinking, your mind will normally keep replaying the same things you have already done and have experience with. This is makes life easier, you don’t have to ‘think’ about a lot of things.
This is why we can feel as though our life has just been going on by itself, because it is. Until you step in, taking command of your thought, and direct your thinking – it will remain as it was. Well actually not exactly the same, your mind will continue to help you expand and develop on the theme – good or bad! In addition, whatever your mind focuses on becomes more important to you. This importance does not differentiate between good or bad.
When you place your attention on anything, this is a command to your brain telling it what you want. So, your brain works to fulfill this. Now this can be anything, even what you don’t want, or a bad experience, or a fear – anything you have focused conscious attention on your brain will help you experience more of it. This is one reason why habits are so hard to break, you keep falling into routines and have the same reactions and feelings over and over.
What can be done about this? Your brain is performing as intended but you are stuck repeating many experiences you would rather not have anymore or you want something new and different. You need to consciously take command of your thinking and override the automatic aspects of your brain. This is where your true power resides, in your conscious command of your thoughts. Just because your brain throws out thought and defense of it does not mean you must follow this – your conscious thought is ultimately in control. It may not seem this way because you have become accustomed to allowing the brain to keep things going automatically, but you can step in and take command anytime you choose.
You may not even know your deepest desires even though they have likely popped up once in a while. You will need to take some time and give attention to discovering what is deeply most important to you, it may not be what you have thought is important. There are different ways to go about this, with most consisting of quieting your chattering mind talk and learning to be receptive to inner information coming up to the conscious level. Doing things like asking yourself questions about yourself and becoming receptive to answers may not be something you are accustomed to doing, so it may take time, patience and persistence realizing that you are really in charge of your thinking. Even adding this kind of activity into your day means that you will need to make time by replacing something already present.
There are a few factors to be aware of that can hamper your progress:
Your brain will attempt to defend the repeating thoughts, throwing out ‘mind chatter’ to dissuade you from your new thinking and actions.
There is more short term comfort in what you already know, even if it is very bad for you. Keep your vision on the long term intention and satisfaction, as a way to get by the desire for feeling good now.
You must remain persistent, more persistent than the brains need to protect what you are trying to displace. Utilize whatever tools and techniques you can to help yourself stay on track. Persistence reveals the winner!
When you begin to see what is truly most important, you will then want to start to change what you focus some of your time and attention to. In order for the new desired experience to come to fruition you will need to continuously give it attention and time in your day. It is like a seed that needs to be nurtured. As you do this your brain will help expound on this and gradually have it become part of the automatic norm for your life just as it has with what you experience now.
Remaining in focus with what you have now or with what you don’t want will only tell your brain to perpetuate it. The first and necessary step for anything to change is your taking command of your thought and choosing what you do want based on what is important to you, then focus on it even if your brain throws up resistance. It’s up to you to choose your priorities and tell your brain what you want to focus on, not the other way around. Your brain will follow your lead once you’ve established your athority over your thinking. Take charge of your life, utilize your true power, choose your thought and your priorities.
Your life is going on and on and on. This is a good thing of course and your brain is designed to keep it this way. Part of your brains function is to simplify as much as possible and to help you feel good which it is very good at. Now you may think that you are always feeling as good as you want this is because your brain sees keeping things the same as more comforting than change. So even what may not be good for you is perpetuated. Your brain is very good at keeping everything the same, in fact it helps to enhance whatever has already been experienced. The way the brain sees this is, you must want it – you chose it, even if not consciously.
The easiest course for your life is for more of the same and that is likely what you have been experiencing. This of course may be all good if you are totally satisfied with everything. But if you want anything about your life to be different, that’s not what your brain is in charge of. When your day is completely full of what you already think, feel and do where does the new come in? When your unconscious and conscious though are consumed with what is now going on, which I assure you they are, all of your attention is there as well. Your day to day life is essentially a habit that continues to feed and support itself, keeping you locked in as it is.
What happens is that you can become blind to other things, that are different. How this affects your life is this – You can become so involved with your repeating thoughts which increase in importance by default that you are not even aware of what you are not doing, what you are missing, and what is deeply important to you. I ran across a video that illustrates this. Pay attention to the guy speaking and do what he instructs you to do. Perception
This attention blindness keeps us doing what we have done and away from what is different and unrelated. You’ve heard the saying, “you can’t see the forest through the trees.” You may not see things that are right in front of you because your attention is already taken up with something. When focusing on the trees that are right in front of you, you are not able to see the scope of the entire forest and it’s varied landscapes.
Many of the things that you have grown to think are important because of your continual involvement, may not be so important to you at a deeper level. As you focus your attention on something it’s importance increases just from the increased presence of the involved thoughts and actions. With this higher level of importance your brain gives it more attention too making it even more prominent in your conscious and unconscious thought, thus many other things are completely shut out of your awareness.
It is important to know that you can really only focus on one thing at a time. When you are ‘multi-tasking’ you are actually jumping quickly back and forth from one thing to another. There is only so much of this that your brain is capable of doing. Plus, there is the time utilized factor. There are 24 hours in a day and when you have allowed the repetitive thoughts to inhabit those hours you are awake, there is no more time for other, new thoughts. You can easily use up your day pretty much thinking about the same things as you did yesterday and the day before. So where does new thinking fit it?
Essentially your life is easily consumed with what you have already experienced, have thought about a lot and have established feelings for. This is almost too simple. Allowing your daily life to continue on in the same way, as your brain helps you do, you are actually preventing yourself from seeing and experiencing anything new and different.
You do however have the ability and the right to make changes in your life anytime you want, you must choose to first and then follow through with persistence and determination to override what is already established in your mind. Your real power as a human lies with your ultimate command of your thought. Just because your brain functions the way it does does not prevent you from aver changing any of it. Where the problem lies is that most of us have a pattern of allowing our minds to perpetuate the same thoughts and experiences over and over rather than making frequent changes. Making frequent changes and adjustments to your thinking can become part of your normal operating system once do do it for a while. Your brain will support this just as it has supported anything else you have focused on.
To change any of your repeating life experience you will need to assert your command of your thought and make choices about what you do and don’t want to be your life experience. Just be aware of how your brain works, it wants to keep you comfortable by keeping things as they are.
As you work on change you may experience some of the following:
Doubt and worry,
Challenging your ability and self-esteem,
Brain fog, clouding your thought,
Short term gratification,
Don’t let this stop you, you don’t need to remain blinded by your existing life experience. Realizing what may occur up front you will be less likely to be influenced by it. Determination, persistence and the belief that you are fully capable will help you learn to make the wanted adjustments to your thought and what you focus on. It’s your mind, use it to your benefit.
Self-discovery happens as the result of conscious mental and physical action. Doing the same things over and over is not conscious mental action, it’s passive unconscious automatic beahavior.
We think we are thinking because our brains are working, that is not thinking. Real thinking is active curiosity, analysis, planning, dreaming and questioning. When you carry on only doing the same things each day in the same ways, you are essentially living one day many times. But when you are actively thinking, you are living a new day each day. And your personal growth and development is based on self-discovery. If you don’t find out more about yourself, who you are and what you can do, there is nothing to grow into. Becoming aware of yourself right now is the first important step- you can’t do anything about what you aren’t aware of.
I learned this lesson in my early 20’s when I was the night shift foreman in a precision sheet metal shop in the Silicon Valley during the initial electronics boom of the 70’s. The owner of the shop had hired a new brake operator who said that he had 20 years of experience doing the job. In this shop situation we did many small run jobs so there was always a lot of setting up the machines required all day long. The idea of someone with 20 years experience excited me because I was the main person doing all the set ups at the time, which kept me running from place to place to keep everyone productive.
When I was introduced to this new man, he looked at me, the 20-year-old, and gave me this look like, who are you to be my boss? I didn’t let it bother me as I had been working with others much older than I for some time. I showed him the machines where he would be working and gave him a basic run down of the current task at hand, and left him alone figuring he knew what he was doing. After about 30 minutes I got a chance to go to see how he was doing, I figured he would be well on his way.
He had not done anything! And guess what, his demeanor had changed. Right then I found out that here was a guy that had been using this kind of machine for over 20 years and did not know how to make a simple set up for one. All he had done for all those years was to put the parts in, hit the pedal to make it operate, and pull the part out – someone else had made the set ups.
Now I am not saying this to brag rather to illustrate the difference in how we can spend our time. Here was a man that essentially lived the same year 20 times, never progressing with his knowledge, skills and activities. Then, I was a 20 year old who started this kind of work when I was 16 and at this time had been doing prototype work and now running my own shift making most of the set ups for everyone there. My previous 4 years were each different as I progressed through the learning and skill development process.
My point here is not to judge someone for wanting to remain doing the same things for years but rather to illustrate how we can look at our use of our time. Everyone has their own life path and certainly can choose as they will. But if you are not experiencing life as you have dreamed, you can do something about it. It comes down to choice, if you are enjoying your life as it is great. But if you have been thinking about wanting your life to be different and you can see that you have been doing the same things in the same ways for a long time, you can do something about it.
How this all fits into self-discovery is this, when your mind is actively working with questions, finding solutions, being creative, and trying new things you are setting yourself up to discover more. Just ask yourself this question, if what you are doing and how you are doing it is working and satisfying, why would you seek a different or better way? You wouldn’t. You mind is designed to help automate as much as possible for you so doing simple tasks and operating your physical body do not require a lot of conscious thought all the time. Can you imagine the mental burden if you had to consciously think about all this basic stuff?
Your mind is consciously engaged as you choose to engage it. Your conscious mind does always have something going on, but if you do not actively engage it, this thought tends to be mainly repetitive, as you know. In order to engage your mind you are actually asking it questions or giving commands. Your brain will serve to solve these questions and fulfill the commands. And this is when you really discover many things. You discover more about yourself, more about how to do something, and more of what is possible for you. All this because you are engaging your brain with active thought.
Take a look at what you are doing? Enhance your self-awareness. Are you moving forward at the pace you are happy with? Do you feel stuck in a repetitive cycle? Do you like where you are, or not? Asking questions of yourself is a great way to stimulate self-discovery and get your life moving in the direction you want. And, to find out what you are truly happy with right now. Personal growth and development is a daily ongoing process, to keep it going, pay attention every day.
Have you ever been overwhelmed with fear as you have faced doing something? We all have I think, each at our own level, with some becoming physically immobilized by it. If your fear feelings overpower you to the point of inaction you have given fear the upper hand. I stated it this way on purpose, your fear is not doing anything to you, rather you are allowing the fear to affect you as it does – it is all within your thought. And you have command over your thought and feelings as well.
When you get the fear feelings based on doubt, worry and uncertainty you choose to allow these thoughts to roil around in your head. You choose how you interpret them and how you react to them. A fearful thought does not come pre-packaged with a specific set of feelings and behavioral commands. Those too are of your choosing.
When you let yourself remain in the fear, you are choosing to have the fear guide your actions. It’s a logical progression to react to the fear feelings based on how most of us have developed our perceptions around fear. But when you realize that you have created the whole cycle in your mind, you can begin to see that you have ultimate command over the whole cycle. You can change this existing cycle of perception, interpretation and reaction to one that is more supportive of the life you want.
Dr. Wayne Dyer is well known for saying in the Power Of Intention that – when you change the way you look at things, the way you look at things changes. He is referring to your perception, which may appear at first to be totally automatic but it’s not. Well it is and it isn’t! It is automatic as it functions now, but you have the ability to change it and have it automatically be different. Just because you now, as most do, react to worry, doubt and uncertainty with fear thoughts does not mean this is the only way or that it must be this way.
So how did your perceptions, interpretations and reactions get the way they are? And why does it seem that this is just the way they should be? Because you were taught these things by those you were around as you grew up. You took on the perceptions, interpretations and reactions of those who provided the greatest impression on you as you grew up. Your mind allows this, unless you consciously step in to stop it, because it seems normal in the environment you were in when young and highly impressionable. When most or all of the people you are around do it ‘this way’ there is no red flag raised in your thinking to question it, so you don’t. Their way becomes your way.
This is how your behavior and that of groups, families and societies is formed and why it appears to be ‘normal’. And the fact that many people behave in a certain way does not make it the best way, many times it is just the easiest way. It is easier to conform than to take a unique path. You don’t have to remain stuck in the mode of allowing fear thoughts to control your actions. You have command of your thinking so you can change the whole cycle or mental chain of events that occurs with fear. Initially the thoughts of doubt, and some uncertainty are normal when you are facing something new, different or challenging but you don’t need to let the heightened feelings well up and create this big fear thing that you then cater to.
You can change the way you look at doubt, worry and uncertainty. They are just certain thoughts questioning what you are about to do. “Am I prepared?” “What if ____?” “Maybe I won’t remember?” “How will they react?” “How do i look?” These are mostly logical concerns about what you are about to do and if you can answer them logically, without emotion, you can clear them up and soothe your mind. Some you can specifically answer and check off the list and others you will determine you can’t do anything about, so you do not concern yourself with it any more. Choose to leave out the doom and gloom thoughts, the “i can’t” thoughts that are not part of the original concerns – they are your reaction to those thoughts.
Just because you are concerned with how you look, dies not mean you should stop from doing it. Just because you are wondering if you are prepared or not does not mean to turn and run. Just because you have not done this before does not mean you can’t. Your interpretation and reaction to the logical progression of thought leading up to your planned action is what causes you to freeze up. But even when you allow the feeling of fear to well up over these thoughts, still does not mean you must behave in a certain way. You can proceed with the fear, don’t interpret the fear feelings as a stop sign. Just acknowledge those feelings and move on. Accept them, realize how they come about and let them be. Fear thoughts and feelings in themselves can’t do anything, only when you choose to react in specific ways do they. Choose not to react to them.
In acting they teach actors and actresses to channel their fear. It’s not that that many don’t have it, but it’s how they have learned to handle it. Many who perform live or speak in from of large groups are nervous every time before they do. But rather than letting this stop them they are able to channel the energy in the fear towards what they are doing. This actually transfers that heightened energy you notice with fear thoughts into their performance or presentation. Have you ever noticed that some performers seem to have a different ‘personality’ off stage than they do when they are performing? Many are quiet and reserved when talked to away from a performance, but when on stage they come alive with energy and boldness. I wonder where that comes from -re-directed fear perhaps.
Everyone has the ability to do this, to transfer that energy attached to fear thoughts onto something else, like what it is you want to do but feel afraid to. It’s really a matter of perspective, yes, how you look at something and how you interpret it determines what you will do with it. Have you noticed how that when you have chosen to do something you feared you did it with a higher energy level than you normally operate with? This is that energy re-directed to something of your choice, which better supports what you want.
In fact sometimes your energy is so high, in a calm way that you are ‘in the zone’ able to do what you are doing without much conscious thought. This is how powerful it can be to channel your fear associated energy onto the task at hand particularly if you are prepared to do it. As you may have found, even being prepared for something still does not prevent you from feeling fearful about actually doing it, but preparation does make it flow better once you get yourself to go.
Don’t allow your fears to slow or prevent your progression in life, choose to change the way you look at them so your personal dreams can be expressed fully. When you feel the fear and do it anyway, you choose to let it be and proceed as planned, and channel the fear energy into your planned actions to enhance your performance. As you do this, like with anything, over time it will get easier and easier. You will be actually re-training your unconscious thought patterns to automatically behave differently, to do it the way you want it done. Dropping the emotional reaction to logical thoughts can allow you to address them and move on. Once you have checked your hair, it’s good -stop dwelling about it.
Remember that you have command of your thinking not the other way around. It may seem that your thoughts and feelings run the show, but this is just because of the default programming that had been allowed to become established as you were developing. At the time you did not know any better or different so as to guide this development differently. But now you can change your perceptions of everything in your life, you can alter how you interpret everything that you see, and you can adjust your reactions to these as well which in turn changes your behavior. Choose what best supports; the life you want, what you want to do and how you want to feel.
A recent study has proven that your brain uses the same neurons when you
recall a memory as it did when you initially had the experience. This
has been thought to be the case for some time but the study now shows
scientific proof. This is good news for your personal growth and
For the brain, remembering is a lot like doing. This is powerful! When
you realize this is how the brain works, you can use this knowledge to
your advantage. It has been believed that your brain does not know the
difference between an actual occurrence, a memory or specific thought
about a possibility.
In this new study conducted by a team of American and Israeli
researchers, they were able to pinpoint the location of mini-storms of
brain activity that occurred with the initial action as well as the
later recall of it. They were able to show that both occurred in the
same brain cells concentrated around the hippocampus region of the
It has been found in other research that the brain does not really know
the difference between an imagined action, a real one or the memory of
either. Similar to how you can affect your body and mind from input to
one or the other. It has been commonly known that you can train your
body to do specific motions through your thoughts, and it has been shown
that you can affect your thought by specific physical movement of you
body. In other words, an athlete can train their mind to control the
body by physically doing an activity in exactly the way you want and the
brain will learn how this is done.
All of this continues to build support for how you can direct your
thoughts and actions through visualization and affirmation. There is now
more proof that the memory of and the actual occurrence of something are
no different in your mind. This leads to your being able to pre-program
your mind to ‘know’ specific things without them actually happening yet.
Your brain will allow you to do something, which it knows, easier than
When you create a powerful vivid imagined scenario in your mind, backed
by appropriate emotions, you can program your mind much like it has
actually occurred. Your mind likes to do what it is familiar with, so if
you create this familiarity with clear emotionally backed thought your
brain acts as though it has happened. It is easier to do again what you
are familiar with. There is a natural hesitation to what your brain does
not know, so make it known and familiar through your imagination.
Familiarizing your brain with what you want through emotion backed
visualization and affirmations acts to program it for desirable
situations making them easier to do again and again. Also your
unconscious mind and inner self attempt to support and assist the
thoughts you hold. Just like the more you physically practice a sports
technique the more your mind helps you fulfill the desire, your mind
will attempt to help fulfill thoughts of any clear desires.
Learning how your brain works helps you to understand how you can use it
to your advantage. After all, it will be doing these things anyway, why
not direct them to your wants and needs? Use tools such as affirmations,
visualization, treasure maps, writing your story, act as though, or
anything that can help familiarize your mind with what you want.
Remember, use thoughts of what you DO want, not what you don’t want or
like. Your mind will act to support whatever you think about with
emotion and clarity – good or bad!
John Halderman, for more daily growth and self discovery tools and
methods – http://www.effectivepersonaldevelopmentblog.com
What keeps us from doing all that we want? Many say that personal
growth and development and self awareness are our number one
priorities in life, yet most spend very little time and attention
towards this end. Some people do not realize how important it is to
continually grow, in fact they may not even realize they can. Many
people know that they can continue to grow, develop and become more
self aware, but they don’t do much about it.
And then there are those few that seem to be able to actively keep
moving forward on their life path. Why? They allow their thinking
to focus on their enlightenment, on how they think and act on a
regular basis, not just once in a while. They are able to let their
mind calm down and get quiet, allowing the chatter to fade away.
They are willing to allow their fears, doubts and worries to be
present in their thought, knowing that these thoughts can’t
actually harm them – knowing that avoidance just postpones not
There are different reasons why we all don’t actively participate
in our own personal enlightenment, but one of the main reasons is
due to distraction. The human mind can actually do only one thing
at a time, those of you that think otherwise are just good at
rapidly switching from one focus to another. So what we choose to
think about determines much of our life experience. In relation to
distraction, when we think about is something that helps us feel
comfortable or think we should be doing because of our life
responsibilities we are not focusing on growth and self
Now I’m not here to tell you what is and is not important in your
physical life, but I know that you need to apply some of your time
and attention to your inner growth which includes how you think and
act. So what keeps you from doing this you may not even be aware
of. Since it is normal for humans to seek happiness, which we
equate to comfort, we tend to avoid uncomfortable thinking and
feelings. And we do this in many ways, some are our daily
activities. We may not be aware of how our daily activities can be
getting the way of our growth and self-realization
Things you may do to avoid discomfort:
Listening to music
Listening to talk radio
Playing video games
Hold on! You say, “these are normal things.”
Yes they are, but they can all be used as a distraction. And only
you can know what role they play in your life. Like anything,
moderation is usually the best.
There are two situations you may be avoiding.
1)If you tend to go to any activity when you feel
uncomfortable, you are probably escaping. Sure you will feel better
doing something you are familiar with, but this behavior can just
postpone what you are avoiding or even make it worse. What I’m
referring to here relates to more discomfort than simple relaxation
2)One of the biggest things you may be doing without
knowing it is avoiding real thinking. This is when you are
uncomfortable with allowing your mind to run through the incessant
mind chatter, which shakes your worries and doubts in your face, to
the point where your mind is clear.
Life requires balance, and what I have found is that for most, any
self-growth is pushed into a small corner receiving only spare time
attention – sometimes. Are you running in circles doing the same
things each day and not seeing any change? Are you frustrated with
your life? There could be an initial feeling of discomfort when you
choose to allow yourself to think freely and not choose a
distraction, but this will pass. Using methods of relaxation and
meditation will help.
If you want more for yourself take a look at what you do and why
you do it. Take a look at what you do everyday towards your own
personal growth and development, to what you are doing towards
self-realization. Only you can know if you are using activities to
avoid something that is actually more important. Choose to set
aside time to just relax and think – this is how you can get in
touch with your inner self on a more regular basis.
The choice of how you spend your time is yours and the result is
your life experience.
Tips and tools for daily personal growth, increased happiness and
Are you trying to be successful at something, or with
several areas in your life? This is a characteristic normal
for us human creatures, to feel good about our abilities
and accomplishments. We seem to be continuously striving
for something more to feel good about. We so often think
that we are not doing or being what we want.
When actually, it’s not a matter of finding out ‘how’ to
have success in your life, but rather how and where to
direct your success. The problem is not, not being a
success. The thing is you actually already are very
successful every day, but maybe not at what you would like.
You are successfully living your life, your body is
functioning and you are thinking about something every day,
all day. Now if you weren’t having any thoughts at all, I
would be concerned. And since you are thinking about
something, you are receiving the fulfillment of those
thought requests without fail.
The universe doesn’t fail itself, and since you are a part
of it you will not be failed either. Just as a plant seed
always gets what it requests, so do you. So then why don’t
you get everything you think you want? You want it so you
must be requesting it right.
Well, again you actually are getting everything that you
are requesting. I know it seems like I’m taking you in a
circle here but think about this for a moment, how do you
know what a tulip has requested from the universe? Well,
the tulip would not be a tulip if it had requested
something else. The way to tell what has been requested is
by the evidence that is present.
Then, the other aspect you have is your mental capacity to
reason, think and choose. Sure some other creatures have a
little of this aspect but nothing like we do. A cat can
decide to seek out a warm sunny spot to lay in, but it
can’t learn a new trade or change the way it perceives
things like you can. This second mental ability is one
where you decide what is in the seed – your seed. You have
the ability to design what the seed will request from the
universe, let’s call it your ‘creative seed’.
Now this part is important to understand, just like the
tulip seed and your physical body, your ‘creative seed’ is
always activated with the universe. This means the
universe is constantly reading your request within your
‘creative seed’, thus it is always responding in kind. Here
is the scary part, your thoughts, all of them, are the
‘creative seed’ which is a continuous active request link
to the intelligent universe. So everything you are
thinking is your ‘creative seed’ whether you are or are not
consciously aware of it.
This is why it is so critically important to make it your
main objective all day every day to discover what you are
thinking and adjust it to be congruent with that which best
serves what you want in your life. When you may say that
you want something, but all the while your inner thoughts
are pointed elsewhere and your behavior is reinforcing
something else, your ‘want’ doesn’t hold much weight in the
request seen by the universe. Your predominant thoughts and
actions are so strong; the universe can’t hear what you
You are right now completely successful at what you have
invested your thoughts and energies to, even if you are not
totally aware of them. Your experience in life has a direct
correlation to what you think about and feel strongly about
most of the time. There is an exact relationship to the
percentage of time you allot to any thoughts and your life
So if you want to be successful at something other than
what you are successful at today, you will need to devote a
higher percentage of your thoughts, feelings and energies
in ways that are more in alignment with these desires. Just
occasional lip service will not do.
All of your thoughts combined are what is included inside
of your ‘seed’ that the universe works to fulfil for you.
So ask yourself, “How much of the volume or space in the
seed is taken up with what I deeply want and how much of it
is what I don’t want, don’t like, put up with or just
complain about?” You are constantly creating this seed, and
from this you are completely successful based on what’s in
To change this, you will need to take command of your
everyday thinking, choose to have more of your thoughts,
feelings and actions be congruent with your deep desires.
Using your valuable thought time to complain, ridicule,
doubt, worry, feel angry, resent someone, and many other
negative type thoughts, just steal time you can be filling
your ‘seed’ with what you really want. Plus, you will just
get more in your life to complain, resent, worry about and
all the rest – is that what you really want?
Some people have actually kept track, in time, of their
thoughts all day long in order to discover what percentage
of time they devote to certain ideas. With this you can
discover what undesirable thinking you want to replace with
the aligned thinking you want.
Take command of your thinking now by aligning more of your
thoughts with your deepest desires, you will see your
feelings and actions follow suit, then your life experience
will too. Choose what you are successful at by redirecting
the same tools and power you now use to get what you now