Category Archives for "Self Help"

Enjoy the fullest most satisfying life through continuous personal growth using effective self help methods, assistance, programs and tools.

Stop Giving Energy To What You Don’t Believe In

Everything that you do is an outflow of energy which effects whatever you are part of. And, you are part of the universe we all live in. You may be aware that your attitude and actions effects the people you are around, but actually it effects everything. Your thoughts, feelings and actions are all energies that contribute to the collective energy that radiates throughout the world. Carl Jung coined the term, “collective unconscious” which refers to the totality of all shared experiences of the human race. He was certainly not the first to talk about this vast database of human awareness that not only makes up all that has been, but of all that could be. We are all contributing to it and are all influenced by it.

On top of all that, there is something else that is effected, you, the individual. Whatever thoughts, beliefs and perceptions you have will be supported and expanded by your mind, that’s just part of it’s job the same as it keeps your heart beating without your constant attention. Everything you think and do is reenforcing a belief of some sort, helping you to continue to do the same with less and less conscious thought.

So, are your thoughts and actions really supporting what you say are your principles, what you want to stand for? Or are you acting and reacting based on thought programming you have not considered to question? If you say that we should be treating all people equally, are you? Maybe you are most of the time, but what about those certain people or situations? We all have advice for other people on what they can do to make the world a better place, when we can’t actually change anyone, except ourselves. As you change and align your thinking and actions with the ideals you desire, it effects everyone in a positive way not just by direct contact but through the collective unconscious.

What you are thinking and doing is contributing to the overall consciousness of your family, your community, your country, the world. In recent years science has proven what the great spiritual leaders have espoused for centuries, we are all part of the collective unconscious which is energy constantly interacting and changing form. Many of the beliefs you now have were passed on to you through the consciousness of the people around you, your parents, relatives, close groups and community. And you are unknowingly perpetuating these same beliefs.

In order to change this constant repeating of the same beliefs and related actions one must choose to take command of their thinking. David R. Hawkins, in ‘Power vs Force’ states that the first major step to raising our consciousness is in accepting personal responsibility. And our responsibility starts with our thinking. Our ultimate power lies in our command of our thinking. We can consciously question our thoughts, our beliefs, our perceptions and our actions and determine which ones presently support what we want. We can release or alter thoughts that were put into place years ago so that we are more congruent with the direction we want to be going with our life today.

As we upgrade our thinking we are not only helping ourselves, but also everyone around us and the world as our energy becomes part of the collective unconscious. How we effect the world is part of our responsibility, we are the only ones who can do anything about it.

 

Striving For Happiness

“Happiness is the absence of the striving for happiness.” — Chuang-tzu

So what’s wrong with wanting happiness? Nothing, it’s normal for us to desire happiness, it’s a natural built in desire.

However, striving for it is another matter. When you focus on wanting anything, you are actually focusing on out lack of it. When you say or think, “I want”, you are also stating, “I don’t have . . . “. When you are continually looking for something, there is a reason. You only look when you don’t have it. When you state that you are not happy because . . . , you are claiming the unhappiness. Can you be happy while honestly claiming that you are not? No, can’t happen.

When you state that you will be happy when . . , or if . . ., you are also placing conditions on yourself. You are stating what has to happen in order to be happy, and many times exactly how you get there. If and when you do get or do something you decided would bring you happiness, the kind of happiness you feel is momentary. And if there are any delays or difficulties, this can bring on unhappiness because it appears to be keeping you from your stated happiness.

True happiness happens it’s not made. It happens when you feel satisfied in the moment. You can actually be happy right now in whatever circumstance you are in. When you decide that your happiness is not tied to anything specific, you are now allowing yourself to be happy at any time. Happiness will sometimes show up when you least expect it. It is very common for people to be happy while working very hard on something they want to accomplish.

Happiness is actually a choice. True happiness comes from knowing who you are and knowing that you deserve to be happy in any circumstance, not just in specific moments when the conditions are right. You are restricting your happiness when you declare that it only occur under certain conditions. The choice is to allow yourself unlimited, unrestricted happiness. Then you will notice more and more as you stop seeking it, as seeking or striving denotes it’s not there. . . so it’s not!

Consider this, with every thought and word you are stating, “I AM”. When striving for happiness you are actually saying, “I am not with happiness, so I must find it.” Happiness is already here, you just need to allow it to surface.

 

Create Your Identity Every Morning

                                                                                              
What do you want to be today?    
multiple happy smiles

Happy, joyful and pleasant, OR unhappy, miserable and crabby?

Will you expect good or will be expecting something to go wrong?              

 Will you feel confident in yourself or afraid you aren’t good enough?

 You get the idea here. The thing is, you can actually decide which way you will be. All of your attitudes and feelings are the result of a definition. Your definition of yourself. The key is, this is not set in stone – it is set in your mind. And you can change it. You can choose a new and different self definition if the one you are now holding does not fully support the life that you want.

Of course, you did not sit down one day and lay out your self definition . . but you can! What you think of yourself has developed gradually over the years with much of it being a result of interpretations you made about experiences you were involved in. Now you were not likely consciously aware of these interpretations either, most of them were done based on other past experiences a well. All of these interpretations build upon themselves and without realizing it you just believe it all as just being the way you are.

You can actually change they way you interpret things, as well as the way you see yourself. Your unconscious mind, which is where all the automatic thinking and reactions come from is really serving what it knows that you want. And at some point, you instructed the unconscious mind what you wanted. And it’s function is to serve you. Your unconscious mind acts on your behalf all the time, after all it keeps your body functioning without you having to pay it any attention. 

But there is a key fact with all of this. Your unconscious mind is not in charge – your conscious mind is. It may appear the other way around because so much seems to happen so automatically. The only way your unconscious mind knows what to do is from an order from the conscious mind. And your unconscious mind is very loyal and obedient. What you may have told it 25 years ago, it is still following as law. Your conscious mind is in charge. You can issue new commands to your unconscious obedient mind when you choose. The only catch is – that you must first know that you can. Well, now you know.

Now you can pay attention to what is happening automatically with your thought, your attitude, your perceptions – everything can be changed. You can decide which of these automatic functions serves you well in the way you want your life to be. You can rewrite the script for these thoughts and behaviors. Just because you have had a certain demeanor does not mean you are stuck with it. How do you want to carry yourself all day long? Your attitude? Your reactions? Your tone of voice with others? How you see everything?

Once you begin to notice characteristics about yourself, you can see which ones you like and which ones not so much fit your ideal way. Then, you can choose how you would rather heave it be. You can choose to be pleasant, happy, trusting, confident and more. And at the beginning of the day is a fine time to set things straight. In the morning, right after awaking from sleep, you can tell yourself what you will be like today. You can preset your disposition and your attitude. And know this will affect everything you do and experience. In this universe we are in, like attracts like – it’s a law.

You can declare, “I AM calm” “I am at peace.” “I am happy.” “I am confident.” “I am good with change.” “I am highly capable.” Now this may take a little while to take effect. It’s possible to change right away, but your unconscious programming may need a little coaxing to drop something it has operated with for many years. It will tend to fall back to the old ways in the beginning. But you, being in charge consciously, have the power to outlast your unconscious mind as long as you stay alert and diligent. I won’t say it’s not easy to fall back, it is, but you are stronger than your unconscious programming – you are in charge, consciously.

So, in the morning, set yourself up to be more like you want. Choose to be happy and joyous, and to treat people well – including yourself! Use affirmative statements repeatedly essentially to convince your unconscious of what you want, it will get the message and make the changes. Set the tone for yourself, and your day. You will be amazed at how much better things seem to go.

It’s your life, your mind – so take command, and choose.

John

 

Say Motivating Things To Yourself

A while back I saved an article I read about a girls college softball team that did something amazing. They identified with positive motivating statements and started winning games. This is a perfect example of how self-talk and affirmations can affect your actions.

It started when coach Kathy Straham of Sacramento State looked up 10 motivational sports related sayings and asked each player to pick two that they could relate to. The girls took this to heart and after receiving the sayings they started to win games, in fact they logged 8 consecutive victories ending the season as winning their conference.

Here are a few of the sayings that helped motivate the players into believing in themselves;

“The best way to predict your future is to create it.” – unknown

“Ask not what your teammates can do for you; ask what you can do for your teammates.”
– Magic Johnson

“Champions keep playing until they get it right.” – Billie Jean King

“If you really want to do something, you’ll find a way; if you don’t, you’ll find and excuse.” – unknown

 

If you say these statements to yourself and allow yourself to get excited about the meaning, your motivation will increase. When your motivation increases, you will do more, do it better and with more energy. Then you will see some success, which in turn increases your motivation, your energy and your desire to take actions. With more success comes more motivation, more energy, more action . . .

See what happens – all from a statement that you choose to internalize and get emotional about in a positive way. Many think that repeating positive phrases does nothing towards success. I know different and so does the team described above.

The power of doing this is in what it does to your thinking, then your feelings – that’s where the power is. If you are not experiencing what you want, your thinking is not supporting what you want, it can’t be any other way. By repeating a positive supportive phrase that is in alignment with what you want and who you want to be, you are essentially retraining your  minds default thinking. Default thinking is those thoughts that just come up on their own, you can change that with better more supportive thoughts.
What statements can you come up with that support what you want?

What statements can you get intense feelings about?

Find them, read them, think about them, and imagine through them.

It starts with ‘I think I can’

As you make attempts with this mindset it will get easier to do and you will start to see more ways to align your thinking with the life direction or accomplishment you desire.

 
John Halderman

Affirmations, Clearing The Confusion

Many people involved with self improvement and personal growth give affirmations a thumbs down,      actually saying they are worthless, but there are also many who give them the status of being the absolute key to success. So how do you look at something that is described as being at total opposite ends of the spectrum, from magic elixir of change to a useless waste of time?

 

I would like to inject some clarification into the topic of the usefulness of using affirmations in your self improvement efforts to change and further expand your life. The topic of affirmations is no different than any concept, there are two end of the spectrum which can be looked at. What I have found with most things there is a fine line in the middle between the two end which is where the value and power is found. And certainly with affirmations one can look at them from a perspective too far one way or the other.
 Continue reading

Do You Believe You Can Change, Or Not

Personal growth and development is an ongoing process and many people seeking to make changes in their lives know that any success comes from changing their thought. But also many find this to be not as straight forward as they thought. With the movie, “The Secret” the Law of Attraction has been brought out and embraced by many, but the movie actually is just a basic introduction on the Law of Attraction not a full blown ‘how to’ course.

Unfortunately many are left thinking that all they need to do is think their way into any success or new life experience. Managing your thinking is a large part of how you make changes but not all there is to it. It does not help that some teachers just do focus on the changing of your thought without delving any deeper. This basic part of The Law of Attraction deals with only your conscious thought, but does not get into the power your unconscious thought holds over your everyday thinking, feeling and behavior.Continue reading

Barack Obama Sparks New Perspective In Many

Here in the US we have a new president as most know. We can hope that some new and different things can come as the result of this. Something that I noticed as being very interesting and positive is the comments I saw from many people when interviewed after the Inauguration.

I noticed how quite a few people said that now, since Obama being the first ‘black’ president, all things are possible. Now first, this is a good thing to see so many people have been able to allow their perspectives to change because of who has been elected.Continue reading

Where Power Lies, Information Or Action?

It is commonly stated that knowledge is power – well not exactly. Unless what you are looking for is a pat on the back for what you know, great, but by itself will not get you much more.

There is potential for power in having knowledge, but the mere possession of it does not cause any power packed action to take place. That’s our job, to take specific action based on the knowledge – this is where the power is! It’s not what you know that has power, but what you do with it. Continue reading

A Beautiful Story of Kindness Alters Perspective

I received this message from my daughter, Jennifer earlier today and just thought that it was worth sharing with you. I’m not sure of the original source.

This is a beautiful and touching story —

I arrived at the address where someone had requested a taxi. I honked but no one came out. I honked again, nothing. So I walked to the door and knocked. ‘Just a minute’, answered a frail, elderly voice. I could hear something being dragged across the floor.Continue reading

How To Reduce Anxiety With More Economic Problems

With what is going on right now with the financial industry, housing, the stock market and the economy anxiety levels are running high. The more things appear uncertain, the more we can imagine ways they can be even worse, humans are creative creatures. And it seems we can imagine the negative quite easily. As we create more undesirable possibilities I our mind we have more to be fearful about.

This can snowball out of control when we collect our worries from several different areas at once, it can be overwhelming. We can feel totally out of control, which can bring on more anxiety by itself, bringing about emotional overload. When this happens we can cease to function in our normal way, giving the vast majority of our attention to all the worries and fears. Your behavior will change, to be more in following your thoughts and feelings. You will find yourself complaining a lot and not able to focus on accomplishing tasks which will increase your anxiety too.

We become consumed with it. As our thoughts are more focused on these fears, then on the anxiety itself, then on worry about being fearful and anxious it becomes a spiral you can’t overpower. You can feel like a beach ball caught in a hurricane being whirled around with no control. When you actually feel you have little to no control apathy can set in, which also will increase the anxiety.

So, you can see, this worry thing can become all encompassing if you allow it. And this is the key, if you allow it? Here’s the thing, any of the situations that you point to as the basis of your fears do not come with these feelings. In fact they come with no feelings at all, that is your doing. This is hard for many to accept but it’s true. Even when someone treats you badly, how you feel about it is all of your doing.

Yes, there are some very common reactions and feelings that you can have, but ultimately you have command over these. They are brought up from your unconscious programming automatically on cue, with out your conscious permission. Much of the reason you have these common reactions is that you tend to easily buy onto concepts and how to feel about when you see this exhibited by many others. You don’t realize how much of your inner programming was developed through modeling others. These common reactions and feelings are passed on by the masses without knowledge. 

However, you don’t need to keep them in place. You can choose to have any reaction you want to something. So, back to your reactions to the fear, worry over the state of things in the economy, you don’t need to continue with them as you have. You can reduce or even eliminate them, thus the anxiety level drops as well. 

The tough part is that right now it is much easier to fall prey to the negative news and your existing reactions than it is to take command of your thought and consciously consider other ways look at the situation and new interpretations that don’t include so much fear. 

I would suggest not listening and reading current news as much as possible, stop allowing yourself to be continuously ‘prodded with a hot poker’ antagonizing your fears. The more news you get, the more this is reinforced. If you are directly involved in one of the problem areas, be concerned based on facts and look at what you can actually do about it, then take action. But just to worry is self destructive because it is based on fiction, choose not to get wrapped up in. And choose to not let yourself worry about anything you can’t do anything about.

Many try to find ways to eliminate anxiety without much success because you must actually look to changing what the anxiety builds on, in this case self chosen fears and related thoughts and feelings. All of these things going on, that you can’t personally do anything about, will evolve as they will with or without your feelings about them. Well, if anything, you will be mentally supporting them with your fear thoughts and even physically supporting them if your behavior follows suit. For example, if you get so fearful that you stop spending money as you normally do when there is no actual reason preventing it, you will be contributing to the economic slowdown. You surely don’t want to do that if you can help it.

Take mental and physical action:

  • Choose to take command of your thinking and analyze the situation.

  • Is your involvement in the situation causing your thoughts and feelings about it, or is it your fears about what could happen?

  • What are your perceptions of the situations, and how can they be changed to bring about different reactions?

  • What are your reactions, and must they be this way? How else can you react that would allow you to feel better?

  • Is there an actual personal involvement that you should be dealing with rationally, or are your actions being motivated by fear?

  • Choose to stay away from the constant bombardment of the news which just highlights the negative.

  • What can you do purposefully to keep yourself positive, upbeat and productive? Look for the good and create it.

 The more you seek out why you think and feel as you do, the more you will understand, the more you can do something about it. When you change the way you look at these things, the way you see them will change, the way you react will change, the way you feel will change, the way you act will change and it’s all based on choice.

Make the choice to take command of your thinking, change it and the anxiety will dissipate.