Category Archives for "Self Help"
Enjoy the fullest most satisfying life through continuous personal growth using effective self help methods, assistance, programs and tools.
Enjoy the fullest most satisfying life through continuous personal growth using effective self help methods, assistance, programs and tools.
Asking yourself questions is one of the best ways to get an answer.
Well, yes – that statement is obvious – but do you really get it?
Follow me here a minute – –
How many times do you let something undesirable continue to go on and on?
Why is this?
Part of the reason is that you may allow yourself to stew over something and replay the distasteful aspects over and over.
This mental activity does not support doing anything productive to find a solution or termination of the situation.
It actually just perpetuates or even enhances it.
I’ll bet you can easily think about some situations where you.
So, think again about situations where you have moved through into a solution or beneficial outcome.
What did you do to get to this point?
You asked yourself questions – didn’t you.
This may still seem too basic to you – what is he getting at?
OK, you move on with some change by asking yourself a question.
Why did this happen?
Who did this?
What do I do now?
How can I fix this?
You get the idea.
Aren’t movement, understanding and change always based on a question?
The point I am making here is that you will stay repeating the same thoughts and actions until you ask a question.
So then this leads to the fact that the beneficial outcome is based on the kind of questions you ask yourself.
Questions that probe deeper and deeper are the ones that are most valuable.
Questions that are bases on continually asking a question and being aware of the various answers you receive.
Questions that carry on from an answer you get.
Questions that continue to ask why – again and again – not just stopping at the first answer.
The quality of the outcome is directly related to the quality of the questions you ask.
This is related to a very basic concept – that there is always a new idea coming out of an existing one.
One idea leads to another.
Think about it – when you get an understanding about something, there are now new possibilities available that weren’t before.
The key here is that asking a question is the way that you seek that next understanding that builds upon the previous idea.
If you don’t ask – you remain with what you have.
Your unconscious mind may tend to resist this kind of probing questions if you are not accustomed to doing this.
Your mind will tend to just want to repeat what it has been doing.
This is where you will need to exercise your command over your thinking ability.
Learning to step aside from a situation to purposefully ask yourself questions with the purpose of developing new perspectives and understandings is a very valuable skill.
This stepping aside, quieting your chattering mind and asking questions is a skill that must be practiced frequently if you are to get it to be a normal part of your behavior.
You can only override your existing habitual ways of thinking by developing a new pattern.
One idea leads to another – and another, and so on.
Keep asking questions and you will find that you will get more and more appropriate and useful answers revealed to you.
You will learn to be receptive to more answers that come from your inner self and universal intelligence.
Be open to the feelings and varying ways answers are conveyed to you.
This is growth in action.
. . . On purpose.
John
“Every clarification breeds new questions.” — Arthur Bloch
“Asking the proper question is the central action of
transformation… Questions are the key that cause the secret
doors of the psyche to swing open.” — Clarissa Pinkola Estes
“The answers you receive depend upon the questions you ask.” — Thomas Kuhn
“Problems cannot be solved at the same level of awareness that created them.” — Albert Einstein
“The word question is derived from the Latin quarrier (to seek) which is the same root as the word for quest. A creative life is a continued quest, and good questions can be very useful guides.
Most useful are open-ended questions; they allow for fresh
unanticipated answers to reveal themselves.” — Source Unknown
“It is not the answer that enlightens, but the question.” — Decouvertes
Today I want to just remind you about recognizing and giving thanks for something that is important to you.
Here in the US, we will be celebrating our countries independence.
This is a big holiday here, which I presume most are in support of.
This holiday, as are most, is in celebration of something important to a group of people.
Taking time to pay attention to and recognize something that you are thankful for is a worthy activity.
Like the Independence Day celebration here in the US, many things are looked at once a year as a reminder of the meaning and why it is important to us.
This can of course be done on any schedule you choose.
Once a year is good for some things, but more frequently may be desirable.
There are things you can recognize daily or even more often.
Anything that is important to you,
Anything that has deep meaning to you,
Anything that you want to be a part of your daily life,
A way of thinking,
A person,
An activity,
A behavior,
A mindset,
A perspective,
Anything that you feel thankful and grateful for,
Can and should be noticed and celebrated often.
Often enough to keep it a part of your daily operating system,
Or as some call,
“Your map of reality”
The way to have the things that are truly important to you be an integral part of the way you think and behave is to be appreciative and thankful for them.
Since it is so easy for our moment to moment thoughts and activities to cloud out things that are important to us, it can be very powerful when you purposefully keep yourself aware and reminded on a regular basis.
Even with something like national independence, wouldn’t it be of value to be aware of all that it may mean to you more often than once a year?
John
“The grateful mind is constantly fixed upon the best. Therefore
it tends to become the best. It takes the form or character of
the best, and will receive the best.” — Wallace Wattles
“Gratitude is an opener of locked-up blessings.” — Marianne Williamson
“The enlightened give thanks for what most people take for granted. As you begin to be grateful for what most people take for granted, that vibration of gratitude makes you more receptive to good in your life.”
– Michael Beckwith
Take a look at what you have been doing and thinking for the last few hours or day.
Are you supporting what you want in your life or are you caught up in hectic reactive behavior?
Of course there are many things which you must do,
But in order to enjoy more of what you want,
You must gradually insert it into your life – yourself.
Ask yourself,
How could I have done things a little differently?
What can I do now, and tomorrow that will bring in a little more of what I want into my day?
Come up with a simple plan of how you will do it.
Schedule it in, go over in your mind what and how,
Use reminder notes, set your watch or phone alarm as a reminder,
Whatever you can use to jog yourself out of the routine just enough to insert a little something different.
Change is usually done little by little more often than through a big event,
Yet we tend to hope for the big event.
While you are waiting you can do it a little at a time and before you know it – you are there!
Checking up on yourself everyday is a good way to discover what to change and how do go about it.
Come up with a balance of doing what is necessary along with a continuous process of growth.
The growth part can very easily slip away, getting consumed by all that you think you need to do in a day.
The power of the human mind is in the ability to exert command over your thinking and what you do.
Choose to step in and be the director of your behavior.
Enjoy the discovery,
John
I just read an interview article on Beliefnet with actress Doris Roberts, who is best known for her role as Marie Barone, Ray’s mother on the show “Everybody Loves Raymond.”
She is playing in a new Hallmark Channel movie this weekend called “Our House” where she plays a lonely old woman who gives up on life. That is until she meets Bobby, a homeless woman played by Judy Reyas- from ‘Scrubs.”
In the story the homeless woman helps the Doris’ character find an new purpose, offering her home to homeless people and helping them out.
I know this is a movie but it reminded me of how we all need a purpose.
There are many older people who are living a lonely depressed life because they feel they no longer have a purpose. Their children are away on their own, they are no longer working. perhaps not involved in any activities and alone. This is a perfect example of what the mind will do when there is no drive for any reason, it can be a major cause of depression and anxiety.
People need a reason, a why, a purpose to drive and motivate them in order to experience happiness. Feeling low self esteem can become a problem when you don’t feel you are of use. There are statistics indicating that a large number of men die within a few years after retiring from high powered jobs, where they were busy, responsible and challenged.
If they don’t find a new purpose to get involved with they feel useless, which can lead to stress, anxiety and depression. When a person feel useless and of little value the will to live can become extremely low.
And what about the homeless people? Many of them have lost their drive because how they feel about themselves. Self motivation is difficult when you see no purpose. Due to circumstances they may have given up on a purpose they once had, seeing it as no longer feasable. Maybe they never had one. It becomes easier and easier to drop futher away from the average productive life because it takes effort which must be backed by drive — that they don’t have.
These groups of people are but two examples of people who could use assistance finding a purpose to get behind mentally and emotionally. This should be part of the effort given to help these groups as well as others.
People will do much more for themselves when they have their own reasons to exert effort.
Those who are driven to actively support their own purpose can easily miss the fact that there are people out there that are struggling with life because they do not have this crucial motivational key. We just don’t imagine someone without a purpose when we are embroiled in fulfilling ours.
But look at all the individual suffering and the burdon on society these people frequently are, just because they lack purpose. What if we could assist them with finding something they can get excited about?
Pay attention to others you are around. Better yet, give them some attention by taking the time to find out whether they feel they have a reason to get up in the morning? Maybe you can help them discover one. Imagine what could happen if you assisted them in raising their motivation level to match yours?
Pay attention, there are learning and growing opportunities everywhere,
John
Adjust your thinking, your actions just a little each day and your life will change.
Get methods, tips, tools and resources for daily personal growth.
One of my newsletter subscribers was talking about how she wants to become a writer, so I though I would comment about getting started with something new.
First, doing something on your own takes self discipline, you don’t have a boss keeping you going enough to get things done. It is amazing how much time can fritter away if you do not keep yourself on task with what your specifically want to be doing.
Us humans, we can easily fall into that place of continuous preparation, never taking enough purposeful focused action to accomplish anything meaningful. You may find that you must be an even tougher taskmaster to yourself than your boss was.
It will take motivation to do this. Motivation and drive that come from a deep seated burning desire. This is where you will discover the energy behind passion. If you don’t have sufficient inner drive, it will be tough to get yourself to do what you must to succeed at what you want.
This deep desire is what helps you to be able to do what may be uncomfortable and that which you would rather not do. There is a part of all of us that seeks comfort over all else, and it will win over your use of time if you do not have enough drive and self discipline.
Now, this deep desire comes from your purpose, your reason for being, your why. If what you want to do is tied to your purpose you will be getting assistance from your subconscious mind as well as Spirit. Although, you may be getting in your own way and sabotaging yourself with some of your past habit patterns. And this is a subject all it’s own.
You don’t have to be able to state what your purpose is, don’t stress if you don’t know, most people don’t know. However you can get a clue about it by what you are deeply drawn of urged to do. You must be careful to separate your deep signals of desire from your ego desires.
The other main area to think about when starting out in something like writing is to learn about the field of writing. What kinds of writing are there, what are you inclined to do? Are you looking for a way to make money from it? When you study the field you will discover many various avenues of possibility.
Now I’m not trying to be a wet blanket here but getting something published can be a long arduous process. I highly urge you to really research well the different ways to get published and understand them all before jumping in. There may be writing opportunities for you that you have not though of that are a little different from what you initially thought you want to do that may be appealing and have better pay prospects.
Be careful for people selling all kinds of magical ways to get published quickly and easily, they are not all they are cracked up to be. Just know what you are buying.
And also it will take persistence and determination, which is supported by your inner drive. Keep yourself doing purposeful activities that lead to the results you want and you will move in the direction of your desire. You do know the sure fire ways to never get to where you want to be are? Quit or don’t even start.
Another warning. I said earlier that you need to know about what you want to do before doing it. But you certainly do not need to know ALL there is to know, get started in whatever way you can as soon as you can. ‘You will learn the most about anything by immersing yourself in it. Don’t get stuck thinking you must know it all before proceeding.
All that you will encounter on your way to what you want is part of your life journey, just keep going – do something about it now.
John
Get more with “Effective Personal Development Newsletter”
I just read an article about the bird flu panic. There are a number of people who have brought their thinking to the stage just before hysteria about something that may have the potential of developing into something. You can read a very informative article about this situation in the latest edition of Ode Magazine, hardcopy or online at http://www.odemagazine.com.
One of the facts revealed is that the United States government is investing $2 billion, yes with a ‘B’ to purchase 20 million doses of Tamiflu in an effort to — well do something. Here is the problem with that.
It may seem that they are concerned about us, but it will not be effective against the flu they are worried about. There is currently NO vaccine that will be effective against the H5N1 virus. A vaccine can’t be engineered to combat a virus until the virus has mutated into a form that affects humans.
So what is the U.S. Government doing buying all this stuff? Are the powers that be actually allowing themselves to be sucked into hysteria? Or is it political? They may want to appear to be doing something to help the citizens, even though even 100 times the doses will do nothing if a pandemic comes to be.
What I would like to relate to here is the thinking that is behind hysteria. What is it? It’s the fear of something built up into a near frenzy in our mind. It can be based on the fear of anything allowed to expand in the mind.
How often do you allow thoughts to run wild in your mind? Now they may not get to the point of hysteria, but many let themselves get riled up to the point of panic. This far too often includes thoughts of fear, doubt and worry that sabotage your best intentions. They are allowed to build up unchecked to the point where they become the majority party in your group of thoughts every day.
This is what leads each of us to take actions that do not support what we truly want with our life. We begin to follow the thoughts that are generated by our fears, doubts and worries.
Yes look into the real possibilities that must be considered, but stop allowing your thoughts to be consumed with vague ‘what if’ thinking. This is not something that reading one book will cure, it takes effort on your part. You must take command of your thinking throughout the day. Learn to pay attention to your thinking, know what you are thinking and what are the thoughts supporting. Are they helping you with what you want or are they based on uncontrolled fear, doubt or worry?
Don’t allow your unwanted thoughts to swell to the point where you are behaving as irrational and destructive as the U.S. Government, spending resources on things that have no real value to your needs.
Growth is an everyday thing,
John
Get tools to use daily for personal growth and change. Live the life you deserve and desire.
I didn’t see much of the Oscars this year, but I did catch the acceptance from Reese Witherspoon for Best Actress in “Walk The Line”.
She said, “People used to ask June how she was doing, and she used to say — “I’m just trying to matter.” And I know what she means. You know, I’m just trying to matter, and live a good life and make work that means something to somebody”. I think this is a great attitude to have, for Reese and also June Carter.
Good for both of them, what a great thing to aspire to, what a great outlook on life. This perspective is a great foundation for anything you want to do with your life no matter how simple or elaborate.
This is an example of a base operating principle for your life that is based on your core values. When you establish basic operating principles they tend to guide you through everything in your life. It’s like having a filter to strain everything through to keep just what you want. When something doesn’t match up with your operating principles you don’t get involved.
Establishing your core values is part of what I call the “Foundation Factor” in a successful life design. Having a good foundation makes the rest easier. They don’t build buildings without them! Have you seen, Joe Vitale has come out with his new book, Life’s Missing Instruction Manual. I have not yet seen it, I’m not on his advance copy list yet, maybe next time! I do have one on order, from what I have heard it is good.
So far everything I have seen of Joe’s has been good. I like what he says about personal growth and developent, his concepts are solid. If you are going to buy his book and you want way more additional stuff thrown into the deal, go to http://www.themotherofallbribes.com/
This is huge! Don’t take all the stuff – you will be bogged down for a week, be selective! I have had the opportunity to hear him on several interviews. Most recently with hypnotist Wendi Friesen on her internet radio show on www.wsradio.com, and with internet marketing legend Mark Joyner on his Simpleology Live Learning Event.
In the interview with Mark, Joe laid out how he developed through his life, struggling in his early years. I think he is a good example of someone who has worked on his life and through his diligent efforts has become successful.
We all can grow and develop if we choose to, it can be beneficial to hear the stories of how others have don it. And obviously will continue to grow. Look to others as examples and for modeling how to apply successful thinking and activity into your life.
If they can, you can!
Discover, do and grow,
John
I had a reminder recently that just further demonstrated how important it is that we establish and maintain positive habits that support our desired life.
I have taken or should I say participated in Mark Joyner’s Simpleology 101 and 102 courses. I have to say they are very good if you are looking to gain focus with what is important in your life and keep it. It is a wonderful tool to support the life you want to live versus the life that automatically shows up as the default when you don’t direct your thinking.
What I did though was allow myself to get distracted out of my morning routine where I did the “Daily Target Praxis”, which is the daily focusing routine taught in Simpleology, for a few days. Well, actually about two weeks. And did I ever pay for it.
Going through the two courses took over two months, with a gradual change taking place in your thinking, so the difference in how you think can seem subtle. I had actually changes my thinking quite a bit and my general feeling and confidence were heightened.
So after I had not been doing the morning Praxis for several days, I all of a sudden realized how I quickly changed back to how I felt before the course. I was loosing focus and not getting as much accomplished.
And, then I was not feeling very good about it either. My attitude was getting more negative, I was loosing the intense drive and motivation I had been experiencing. Upon making the connection between how I was feeling and not doing the ‘Daily Target Praxis”, I began again.
And this is astounding, after just doing it again one day –I felt better and was more energized. The key here is that I energize myself as the result of my thoughts. When I am focusing on what is important to me and continuously remind myself of it, I feel better, have more energy and get a lot more accomplished.
However you choose to focus your thinking and keep it focused is up to you, but do it. Take command of your thinking, and guide yourself into the life you know is possible. Simpleology is a very good tool for this. The difference between keeping the focus and just allowing life to happen is huge. When you feel better, you have more energy, you get more done, you are then more motivated. All this leads to satisfaction and fulfillment.
The root of happiness is not ‘finding’ it but rather being it. And you ‘be’ happiness through your thought and activity. Only through some form of action will you change, and it starts with thought action.
**** ****
Look for more articles here on self-improvement addressing topics like motivation, goal setting, self-confidence and living a purpose driven life.
Grow, discover, and thrive,
John
John Halderman, a writer, speaker, and trainer intent on helping you get real results from your personal growth efforts. He supports methods, tools, and knowledge that bridge the gap between information and effective results.
If you are ready for the truth about change and growth, and to discover why books are your enemy, get the ‘Effective Personal Development Newsletter’.
Each week, delivered to you, are tools, tips, methods and ideas to alter your perception, all for you to use with your daily actions.
Watching the Olympics going on in Torino the last few days has revealed a lesson we all can use. To always be ready, prepared and in position to win.
The American skier, Ted Ligety won the Alpine Combined event because he was there and he has given it his best. He was not favored to win before the race, but when the predicted leaders had troubles he was there. Had he not given it his all, someone else would have been there.
Then, yesterday in the Snowboardcross final race when American rider Lindsey Jacobellis crashed near the end, with a sizeable lead — Tanja Frieden of Switzerland was there to take the gold. Tanja had kept striving after an earlier mishap on the course that slowed her down.
Be There
Both of these people were there, giving it all they had — ready for the opportunity to present itself. They could have not given it their all figuring that they were not favored to win.
How about you — are you ‘there’, giving it all you’ve got? Success comes to those who are ‘in the game’ and ready for the opportunity. One difference between you and an athlete is that every person can be successful in life, where in the Olympics there is only one gold metal per event.
In order to succeed at the things in your life that you want to succeed at, you must get yourself in the position to do so. If you want a different job or career, what are you doing about moving in that direction?
If you want to be less emotionally reactive to things going on around you, what are you doing each day to change that?
If you want less stress in your life, what are you doing to both reduce stress inducing situations and learning to handle stress differently?
These things and more are common things people complain about, but do little to change.
Are you in position to succeed?
What is getting yourself in the position to win? Being in the right frame of mind with your attitude and your thinking. Being the kind of person that does, is or has what you want. Doing the things that successful person does.
Just doing more reading ‘about’ the dilemma will only help to make you more aware of it, not change it. You must DO things each day to effect change in your life, just as an athlete must train every day. Just like an athlete cannot get good at their sport without continuous practice, you can’t get good at life!
Whatever it is that you want to work on in your life to change for the better, you must pay attention to daily. Make time to think about it, contemplate it, ask yourself discovery questions, and notice when and why you do the things you want to change. Make it your intention each day to notice doing these things, analyze your thoughts and behaviors and plan how they can be done differently.
Once you have decided how you can do it different, begin to. Thinking about what you want is definitely important, but taking appropriate action is critical. The thinking part is the preparation and helps keep you going, but you must take action. Not just any action, but purposeful action — the right action.
Don’t quit too soon!
You don’t need to get it all done perfect at first, again like the athlete it takes time and repeated effort. Another good analogy from the Olympics is the ice dancing pairs. The American couple, Tanith Belbin and Ben Agosto, who have been skating together for one year, are considered a new couple. The well-established highly successful pairs have been together for several years, some 10 or more.
The idea to get from this is — don’t expect perfection after your first tries at change. It takes time, just keep at it. It is an ‘all your life’ activity not a one shot quick fix.
This cannot be done once in a while, I’m sure you’ve already tried that. Most of us have.
Developing a successful life is an everyday thing, continuous self-improvement!
**** ****
Look for more articles here on self-improvement addressing topics like motivation, goal setting, self-confidence and living a purpose driven life.
Grow, discover, and thrive,
John
John Halderman, a writer, speaker, and trainer intent on helping you get real results from your personal growth efforts.
He supports methods, tools, and knowledge that bridge the gap between information and effective results.
If you are ready for the truth about change and growth, get the ‘Effective Personal Development Newsletter’.
Each week, delivered to you, are tools, tips, methods and ideas to alter your perception, all for you to use with your daily actions.
I was reminded today as I worked on getting this blog set up, how we can so easily fall prey to our expectations. I found myself getting quite upset with some of the quirks I ran across with the blog software.
There were things I was having difficulty getting set the way I wanted. I got riled about some answers I received as a result of submitting a help request. The answers were not what I wanted to hear because they didn’t conform to what I wanted to hear.
Now, I am the first to stand up for product and service that I think is warranted, but I also know that I must be careful not to set rigid expectations about exactly how everything is carried out.
Going around with this attitude is what so many are perpetually unhappy. Most of the time I do pretty good with this.
If it were my business I could operate it in any way that I see fit, but who am I to set the universal standard of operation and behavior for everyone else?
A Fine Line
There is fine line here between my being justified in expecting a certain level of service with a product and expecting it to be what I deem to be perfect. This is a point of balance we all face in virtually all areas of our life. I got myself to chill out about the situation, and of course I was able to think more clearly and rationally.
Kudos
At this point I must say that I was assisted in this redirect of my perception when John Keegen the owner of BlogHarbor personally called me on the phone after I had responded to his e-mail reply to my help request. He was concerned that I was unhappy and he wanted to make sure my concerns were addressed completely.
Well we had a good conversation that helped a lot. I have to say that I was impressed that he called me. I don’t know how many times I have been frustrated in the past with getting help with a computer or Internet problem. I bet you could name a few yourself.
I really appreciated his concern for my situation, particularly his desire to actually talk to me to ensure I was satisfied. In my book he gets a gold star for making the effort to provide above average service to his customers.
This is a perfect example of where I could have caught myself earlier in the cycle of getting upset and reevaluate my perspective, allowing me to feel differently. Because it was all in my perspective why I was allowing myself to get upset and I can change it.
This was a reaction supported by an ego-based perception, which has its root in the ego’s concept of ‘I can only be happy when I’m right’. Ultimately, I can and should be happy no matter what is happening with the current situation. It is my choice to choose a better way.
Choice
Remember that you have a choice about your perception, attitude, thinking and behavior. Just because your ego has been running things, you don’t have to allow it to continue.
^^*^^*^^
Look for more articles here on self improvement addressing topics like motivation, goal setting, self confidence and living a purpose driven life.
Grow, discover, and thrive,
John
John Halderman, a writer, speaker, and trainer intent on helping you get real results from your personal growth efforts.
He supports methods, tools, and knowledge that bridge the gap between information and effective results.
If you are ready for the truth about change and growth, get the
‘Effective Personal Development Newsletter’.
Each week, delivered to you, are tools, tips, methods and ideas to alter your perception, all for you to use with your daily actions. =====>
http://www.activepersonaldevelopment.com/signup.html