January 6, 2007

Are you receiving the happiness you should?

How do you feel about what is around you in life?

What do you expect people, situations and things to provide to you?

So often we make statements like; ‘I don’t get any pleasure from. . . ‘, or ‘it/they no longer gives me what I want’, or ‘it doesn’t satisfy me.’

What are we really saying with this kind of statement and what are we telling ourselves when we say them?

This kind of statement reflects a perception that our satisfaction and pleasure is or is not provided by things outside of ourselves. This is not the case, no matter how much you want it to be.

It is however, a very common perception of life – that our emotional happiness is subject to people, places and things.

It may be rooted in our general tendency of not wanting to not assume total responsibility for ourselves but rather hope that our happiness and satisfaction will be provided to us. Or just an ignorance of our true capabilities for choosing and doing this ourselves, or most likely a combination of both.

The key is in who or what is creating your pleasure or satisfaction. The answer is you, not anything or anyone else.

People’s behavior and things do not come with any specific emotions attached that you must assume. You decide how you interpret what is around you.

You alone decide to be subject to what you perceive about something. Is it a positive or negative for you?

It does not come with this label, you attach the label, and then react accordingly based on your own established reactive thinking and behaviors.

For example, if you feel that your spouse or partner is no longer giving you pleasure; this is not really something that they can give you, but rather your perception of them and their behavior. They can’t make you feel or think anything, that is your choice.

So, it is not them, but you who have changed. Your perception of them and or your interpretation of it lead to your current feelings.

When you can come to this realization you will understand that you alone have the power and ability to feel happy and satisfied or upset and miserable with what and who is around you.

All that someone or something gives you is an opportunity to perceive, interpret and react based on your personal judgement.

A good clear example would be with owning an automobile. We get one primarily for the service it can provide us with traveling from place to place. And when this is occurring properly, as we see it, all is well and we are happy and satisfied with the car.

However, when a mechanical problem crops up and the vehicle does not operate properly, we tend to get upset – right.

Well, does a broken transmission or fuel pump project negative emotions that we must take on? Of course not.

The emotional feelings that we develop are completely of our own making, not vibrations given off by a broken auto part!

So, do you allow yourself to get upset by this or can you remain neutral? Either way you need to deal with the mechanical problem, it’s just a matter of how you direct yourself to feel about it.

This applies to all people, places and things – you decide, they don’t provide!

It has been stated many times that, your overall happiness in life is based on how you handle and deal with things rather than the thing itself.

Why drag yourself through anger, resentment, disappointment, and frustration over a broken auto part when you can deal with it just the same or easier, while remaining emotionally neutral about it and feel nothing?

It’s your choice, but only when you learn that you can make it and you actively do so based on your desired emotional feelings.

The sooner that you stop blaming the way you feel on outside people and things and admit that it is your responsibility and ability, you will realize more happiness in your life.

Your personal growth and development is largely based on your paying attention to how you are feeling about things and choosing to make adjustments in ways that better fit with the life you desire.

Just because you have been reacting in certain ways to specific people and things does not mean that you must continue. You can choose a new different ways that feel more enjoyable and with less stress, fear, or anger.

It’s up to you to do analysis of your emotional reactions and make any changes you feel would better support the life you want to enjoy day in and day out.

If you don’t get involved in how you feel and why, everything will go on as it has just fine without your input- is that what you want?

Start right now; take a look back at the last time you had some kind of negative feelings about a person, thing or situation. Look at it from the viewpoint that you are deciding how to emotionally react and that you can do it differently if you choose.

The more you notice times that you can do it differently and think of a new way, the sooner you will gradually develop the new ways to be your standard.

If you find it difficult to come up with new different ways of looking at things and reacting to them, look at what other people do that you admire.

Modeling people who behave in ways that you would like in your life is a powerful way to change quicker than you would trying to figure it all out on your own.

Change is the way of life and your choice – take it and enjoy more happiness and satisfaction.


I have studied many aspects of personal growth, spirituality, religion, psychology, and philosophy for over 40 years. My writing and training reveals ideas and methods which assist with affecting the desired change and growth people want to live more happy and fulfilling lives. Much focus is on what can be done daily and the how it can be implemented for actual results as opposed to just collecting information.

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